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20 THINGS TO DO IN A PUBLIC TOILET

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

To all of those still here, I know I haven't had a 'live' update in quite some time. Yeah, I'll admit it, I suck. I've just bee incredibly un-inspired lately. Soon I'll have to upload some holiday pics and stuff...Hope happy holidays are being had by one and all!!

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

To assist the principal at Aliso Niguel High School and other schools plagued with inappropriate dance moves, I have updated my template for school dancing regulations to help stamp out obscene behavior on the dance floor:

ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS:

 1. Do not shake your body down to the ground, shake your booty, shake your rump, shake your thang, shake your bon bon, shake your moneymaker, or shake it like a saltshaker.

2. When another person comes around, please do not imitate the London Bridge or any form of architectural structure that is in the midst of going down.

3. Do not engage in "the twist," "the jitterbug," "the limbo," "the mambo," the "horizontal mambo," "the vertical mambo," "the Macarena," "the Tootsie Roll," "the butterfly," "the shopping cart," "the grind," "da butt," or "blow the whistle."

4. Do not loosen up your buttons. Instead, please keep frontin'.

5. Step back if you are dancing kinda close and you feel a little poke coming through.

6. Do not "put 'em on the glass," "back dat azz up," put "your head under her leg under your arm under her toe," "use your milkshake to bring the boys to the yard," "grab your **** if you love hip hop," or "rub your ******* if you love Big Poppa."

7. Do not use your lovely lady lumps to mix your milk with another person's cocoa puff or in any way create a milky, milky, cocoa puff-like substance.

8. Do not put your hand upon anyone's hip when you dip, I dip, or we dip.

9. In addition to refraining from sexually suggestive dancing, please also refrain from actual sexual intercourse on the dance floor.

10. When slow dancing, please create a distance of three feet between you and your partner.

Courtesy 'Poplicks.com' 

 (http://poplicks.com/2006/09/do-not-get-your-freak-on.html)